April 2016

The Weekender 30/04/2016

Hi, I hope you've had a good week. We've had some amazing blues sky days
here and it's still t-shirt and shorts weather - and tomorrow is May!
Following up on last weekend, the news of the week really, was that Hayden
Paddon became the first New Zealander to win a round of the World Rally
Championship. He finished 14.3 seconds clear of reigning world champ
Sebastien Ogier. Hayden even got a haka when he arrived at Auckland Airport
for the Rally of NZ.

Last weekend in Super Rugby the Crusaders thrashed the Brumbies 40-14
keeping them a single point behind the Chiefs. There was an article titled
"Just how bad are the Australian teams?", which pointed out that every NZ
team has more points than any Australian team, except for the Blues, and
this weekend the lowly Blues are hosting the top Australian team, the
Rebels - but the TAB has the Blues as clear favourites.
This weekend the Chiefs beat the Sharks 24-22 with Aaron Cruden taking over
goal kicking duties, the Blues did indeed beat the Rebels winning 36-30
today, and the Highlanders beat the fading Brumbies 23-10.
Chiefs half-back Tawera Kerr-Barlow won't be an option for the All Blacks
in June after picking up a broken hand in last weekend's game.
Finally, Keven Mealamu and Tony Woodcock received their New Zealand Order
of Merit this week.
Table: NZ: Chiefs 37, Crusaders 36, Highlanders 28, Hurricanes 26, Blues 20
Australia: Rebels 23, Brumbies 21, Waratahs 17, Reds 6, Force 6
Africa 1: Stormers/Bulls 28, Cheetahs 12, Sunwolves 7
Africa 2: Lions 27, Sharks 22, Jaguares 7, Southern Kings 4

The talk of league last weekend was the Warriors on the receiving end of a
42-0 thrashing by the Storm. The jokes were flying thick & fast, apparently
Warriors fan was caught jumping the fence, but the police captured him and
took him back to watch the second half. Comedian Mike King left his
Warriors season ticket on his dashboard while popping in to the corner
store. He came out and someone had smashed his car window and left four
more tickets.

Steven Adams hit a record high 15 points and getting 10 rebounds in the NBA
Western conference series, as the Oklahoma City Thunder beat the Dallas
Mavericks. They move on to face the San Antonio Spurs in the Western
conference semis.

Marina Erakovic moved through to the quarter finals in Morocco for the
first time in 14 months. Update, Marina is now through to the final after a
three set win.

A former Tauranga man has won the world title at the International Tree
Climbing champs in Texas.

Brendon McCullum has had another good game in the IPL taking 43 runs off 22
balls to steal victory for his Gujarat Lions team. Earlier in the week he
hit 60 off 36 balls to kick start his teams innings for a win.
*NZ News*
The Green Party chief of staff Andrew Campbell has resigned to be the third
senior staff member to leave the party in the three months.

In the weekly Wicked Camper update, the Chief Censor has ruled that three
of their slogans are "objectionable publications", with more possible
rulings to come.

This week White Island had some activity, but also the crater lake at Mt
Ruapehu has been heating up, but the alert level hasn't changed.
*The Numbers Game*
23: years at Mediaworks for Hilary Barry who quit this week
68: years late for a book finally returned to an Auckland library this week
- the $24,000 overdue fee was waived
2,721: Australian and New Zealand Army Corps fought at Gallipoli during
World War 1, were among those remembered on ANZAC day on Monday
11,000: farms (almost all) have fenced cattle from waterways according to a
new report
62m: $ worth of drugs were destroyed by Customs this week
278m: $ upgrade for the continually dangerous SH2 from Pokeno to the east
*Finance NZ Dollar*
GBP 0.4768 (-0.0028)
EUR 0.6115 (0.0002)
USD 0.6973 (0.0084)
AUD 0.9140 (0.0237)
*The Weekender NZer of the week*
Harold Williams
design of linguistics
*Joke of the Weekender*
100 ways to phone in a pizza order

66. Be vague in your order.
67. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more _oomph_
this time."
68. If using a touch-tone press 1-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
69. After ordering, say "I wonder what _this_ button on the phone
does." Simulate a cut-off.
70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This
may be my last entry."
*Weekender Photos*
Have a look at photos https://picasaweb.google.com/dunwich42

Darren Harrison: darren@harrison.gen.nz
The Weekender: mailed weekly (Sunday nightish)
Website: www.dunwich.co.nz/weekender/
{If these just fill up your junk mail, then send me an email & I'll take
you off the list | The Weekender is not a verified news source, sometimes
it's even just an opinion}

The Weekender 23/04/2016

Welcome along. The weather was chillier this week with jersey's required
for the mornings and even socks sometimes. Today was amazingly blue, the
rain is set to arrive tomorrow, but hopefully it will be fine for the dawn
parade's around the country on Monday for ANZAC day.
Let's start with last weekend's Rugby Sevens in Singapore, where both NZ
and Fiji lost their first games - in NZ's case it was to France for the
first time in 11 years. Both teams still made it through to the rounds,
however NZ were beaten 12-7 by South Africa in the semis. Fiji made it
through to the final, where they were shocked 30-7 by Kenya.
On to Super Rugby, where Auckland Blues coach Tana Umaga had some bad news
with Rene Ranger out for the season with an ACL injury. A side step to
league here, but key Warriors signing Roger Tuivasa-Sheck is also out for
the season with an ACL injury.
This week, the Highlanders missed out on a great opportunity losing 14-15
to the Sharks after losing a man to a red card (dangerous but not
intentional) early in the game. They still should have won though. A week
after the heaviest of losses, the Sunwolves have won their first game,
beating the Jaguares 36-28 led by former North Harbour and Samoan fly half
Tusi Pisi. Another NZ derby and another cracking game with the Chiefs
beating the Hurricanes 27-28. Captain Sam Cane said after the match, "We
were a bit lucky - we didn't play very well tonight. The Hurricanes were
probably the better team today". In Australia the Waratahs are beating the
Force 13-40 after 65mins.
In other rugby news, the All Blacks had been nominated six times for the
Laureus sports team of the world, and this time they won it, with Steve
Hansen and Richie McCaw there to pick up the prize. Dan Carter won the
comeback of the year award.
Finally Warriors and former All Blacks doctor Dr John Mayhew and a heart
attack on Tuesday night after an exercise class. He was put into an induced
coma but is now talking with his family and making good progress.

Scott McLaughlin won his second race at Philip Island, dominating the
Aussie V8's for the weekend.

Blair Tuke and Peter Burling have won another title, taking the 2016 49er
European Championship.

The Black Sticks men beat Malaysia 5-4 in a shoot-out win to claim third in
the Azlan Shah Cup.

The Wellington Phoenix have signed the biggest football sponsorship deal
ever with Huawei for at least another three seasons.
*NZ News*
Everyone seems to be wanting to get in on the bid to kick Wicked Campers
out of NZ, with fuel station chain "Z" suggesting they may ban the campers
from refuelling at Z service stations.

Governor-General Sir Jerry Mateparae has sent a message to the Queen for
her 90th birthday, on behalf of all New Zealanders. Really? We don't do
that every year? Isn't that the least we could do for our head of state?

In other official statements, President Obama paid tribute to the "tenacity
and loyalty" of the kiwi soldiers who died in Gallipoli.

The 40 year study into 1000 people born in Dunedin in 1972/3, has produced
a documentary series which has won a silver medal in a prestigious
international competition.
*The Numbers Game*
15: % of National MPs came from a Business background, 14% from government
roles, 10% from farming
23: out of 121 MPs (the biggest overall group) had no single career
25: % of Labour MPs had multiple roles, 16% had iwi roles, 13% from
government roles. Only six MPs had business experience
108: years old for NZ's oldest woman Annie Mason
520m: $ roading package for Tauranga to transform the road to Waihi through
the increasingly crowed Bethlehem
*Finance NZ Dollar*
GBP 0.4796 (-0.0067)
EUR 0.6113 (-0.0001)
USD 0.6889 (-0.0004)
AUD 0.8903 (-0.0039)

*The Weekender NZer of the week*Anthony Wilding
design of Wimbledon
*Joke of the Weekender*
100 ways to phone in a pizza order

61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
62. Try to talk while drinking something.
63. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and . .
. action!"
64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
*Weekender Photos*
Have a look at photos https://picasaweb.google.com/dunwich42

Darren Harrison: darren@harrison.gen.nz
The Weekender: mailed weekly (Sunday nightish)
Website: www.dunwich.co.nz/weekender/
{If these just fill up your junk mail, then send me an email & I'll take
you off the list | The Weekender is not a verified news source, sometimes
it's even just an opinion}

The Weekender 16/04/2016

Hello, I hope April is treating you well. The mornings are getting chilly
but today was a great blue sky day - great for a nice walk in the
Karangahake Gorge.
This weekend in Super rugby, one of the talking points is the 92-17
thrashing of the Sunwolves by the average Cheetahs. In other games the
Crusaders beat the Jaguares 32-15, and the Blues beat the Sharks 23-18 for
the first time in 11 attempts.
NZ: Chiefs 29, Crusaders 27, Hurricanes 25, Highlanders 23, Blues 16
Africa 1: Stormers 23, Bulls 19, Cheetahs 12, Sunwolves 3
Africa 2: Lions 18, Sharks 17, Jaquares 7, Kings 4
Australia: Brumbies/Rebels 17, Waratahs 11, Reds 8, Force 6
Intriguing table. NZ teams are the top four, and the Blues would be at
least third in any other conference - second by one point in Australia!
Last weekend in Sevens, NZ had a stunning late try to beat South Africa
12-7 to reach the final of the Hong Kong Sevens but were beaten 21-7 by
defending champs Fiji in the final.
Former All Black captain Richie McCaw received NZ's highest honour this
week - the Order of New Zealand.
Former All Black Brad Thorn has been promoted to assistant coach of the
Queensland Reds.

Scot McLaughlin has won the Phillip Island grand prix in the Aussie V8's
today, Fabian Coulthard was third.

The Warriors have won a 24-20 thriller in Wellington over the Bulldogs.

The Black Sticks had their first win in the Azlan Shah hockey tournament in
Malaysia when they beat Pakistan 5-3, and then Japan 4-1. But they then had
their first loss with a 0-1 against Australia, but bounced back with a 2-1
win over India.
The women's Black Sticks beat Australia 3-2 in Hastings to make the final
of the Festival of Hockey, and then went on to beat Japan 3-2 in the final.

The NZ Breakers had some good news with the signing of Kirk Penney for the
next two or three years.

Martin Guptill has had some good news after being overlooked for the IPL.
He was named captain of the Amazon Warriors for the Caribbean league, and
then later in the week was called into the IPL for the Mumbai Indian squad.
And Wisden has picked their top cricketers for the year with Kane
Williamson picked as the leading cricketer in the world, and Brendon
McCullum joined him in the top 5 cricketers for the year. Suzie Bates was
also named leading women's cricketer of the year.
*NZ News*
The Prime Minister John Key has doubled checked with his lawyers and
confirmed that he has no links to the company Mossack Fonseca, at the
centre of the world wide scandal.

New Zealand has been ranked 101st in Military might, according to a
comprehensive ranking by Global Firepower - and that's out of 126 total. So
the question is, is that a good thing? Perhaps it goes along side tourism
and lifestyle as great reasons to live in New Zealand, rather than a
*The Numbers Game*
5.2: richter scale earthquake centred 15km from Masterton
7: % support for Andrew Little as Prime Minister, down 2% and below Winston
Peters on 10%
28: % support for Labour, a drop below the significant 30% and a blow for
Andrew Little who has managed to control the factions but still isn't
growing support
50: % support for National, up three points and showing no ill effects from
the flag referendum
*Finance NZ Dollar*
GBP 0.4863 (0.0040)
EUR 0.6114 (0.0145)
USD 0.6893 (0.0100)
AUD 0.8942 (-0.0068)
*The Weekender NZer of the week*
Wilson Whineray
design of leadership
*Joke of the Weekender*
56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's
57. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary
in Tinsel Town."
59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed
by your sweet words."
*Weekender Photos*
Have a look at photos https://picasaweb.google.com/dunwich42

Darren Harrison: darren@harrison.gen.nz
The Weekender: mailed weekly (Sunday nightish)
Website: www.dunwich.co.nz/weekender/
{If these just fill up your junk mail, then send me an email & I'll take
you off the list | The Weekender is not a verified news source, sometimes
it's even just an opinion}

The Weekender 09/04/2016

Hello, with day light savings coming to an end, and the days getting
shorter, it's starting to look like winter - but it's still been really hot
so grass has been growing like spring and my work uniform is still shorts &
So last weekend we left off in the middle of a top match between the
Brumbies and the Chiefs. Well the Chiefs controlled the game before turning
on the after burners to cruise away 48-20. The Chiefs are showing the speed
and skill to match last years finalists, and the win took them to the top
of the table.
On to this week and the first game of the weekend showed by NZ derby's are
the pinnacle of super rugby, with the Blues putting in a great game against
the Chiefs, but the Chiefs retained their top place with a 29-23 win. The
Crusaders haven't had much luck in Perth since 2011, but beat the Western
Force 19-20 with a converted try with two minutes to go. The Hurricanes
beat the Jaguares 40-22, and after 28 minutes the Reds are beating the
Highlanders 15-6 - they might get their first win against the defending
In the Hong Kong Sevens, both Fiji and NZ had come from behind wins with
Fiji beating Canada 19-17 after being 5-17 down, and NZ beat France 19-17
after being 0-17 down.

Scott Dixon dominated the IndyCar race at Phoenix last weekend. It was the
first time IndyCars had been back in 11 years and Dixon took the lead in a
caution mid way through the race, and never looked back.

The NZ Warriors had some more good news with a golden point 32-28 win over
the Sydney Roosters last weekend. But this weekend had a poor 34-18 showing
against the Sea Eagles.

Not that the Black Caps were there, but last weekend England lost to the
West Indies in the Twenty20 World Cup final after Braithwaite hit four
sixes in a row in the last over for the win. They needed 19 off the final
over and broke English hearts with the result. In the women's final, the
West Indies did the double, beating Australia by eight wickets.
Despite NZ doing so well, only Mitchell Santner was named in the World
Twenty20 team of the tournament.

Lydia Ko continues to be amazing with a win last weekend in the event at
Palm Springs for her second major in a row. She was honoured at Augusta as
the Golf Writers Association of America's "female golfer of the year".
Also at the Masters in Augusta is kiwi Danny Lee who had a strong start and
was sitting around the top three.

The NZ men's hockey team had an exciting first game in their defence of the
Azlan Shah title, with a 3-3 draw against the hosts Malaysia.

In basketball the Breakers have signed Alex Pledger for a three year deal.
*NZ News*
Labour was hoping to present a united front for the next election by
virtually combining the three most popular parties after National, in a bid
to avoid a fourth term in the wilderness, however Winston Peters has said
that New Zealand First has no plans to campaign along side Labour or issue
joint policy.

The Government announced that they had named Helen Clark as a candidate for
the top UN job. The potential has been hanging around for a while (that
Clark would want to go for the job), so it's not a surprise. In a great bit
of satire, one commentator said that Labour and the Greens would now likely
denounce the candidacy since they simply have to come out strongly against
anything the government does.

Queenstown council is getting on board with trying to drive out Wicked
Campers after they announced they will issue $300 fines for any camper with
an offensive slogan seen in Queenstown. Good on them, how about the police
doing the same anywhere in the country? Let's drive them back to Australia.
*The Numbers Game*
98: tragic road deaths so far this year, one for every day of the year
789.5: kg for the biggest pumpkin at the annual Hamilton Gardens
competition, 35kg heavier than his record from last year
1,800: free tickets given away by the Wellington Phoenix for their season
finale to farewell Manny Muscat and Ben Sigmund
1.175m: $ paid for a rare Goldie painting
8m: $ bill for Serco (private prison contractor) as costs after the
Government resumed control of Mt Eden last year
*Finance NZ Dollar*
GBP 0.4823 (-0.0003)
EUR 0.5969 (-0.0091)
USD 0.6793 (-0.0107)
AUD 0.9010 (0.0009)
*The Weekender NZer of the week*
Robert Webster
design of viruses
*Joke of the Weekender*
100 ways to phone in a pizza order

51. Psycho-analyse the order taker.
52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask
that these be included in the pizza.
55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk
and didn't mean it.
*Weekender Photos*
Have a look at photos https://picasaweb.google.com/dunwich42

Darren Harrison: darren@harrison.gen.nz
The Weekender: mailed weekly (Sunday nightish)
Website: www.dunwich.co.nz/weekender/
{If these just fill up your junk mail, then send me an email & I'll take
you off the list | The Weekender is not a verified news source, sometimes
it's even just an opinion}

The Weekender 02/04/2016

Welcome along. With Easter last weekend, we've got a couple of weeks to
catch up on.
So the cricket aye. The World Cup Twenty20, both men's and women's is on
right now. Both NZ teams did fantastic during pool play.
The women crushed Australia by 6 wickets, and then South Africa by 7
wickets to top their pool for the semi-finals, only to be knocked out by
the West Indies by six runs. The men topped their difficult pool, beating
Pakistan by 22 runs, and their great form saw them jump six spots to be
ranked second, and Martin Guptill's great form saw him rise to third spot
for batting. However it also ended in the semis for them, when they were
thrashed by England by 7 wickets.
And with that, Grant Elliott retired from ODI's.

Last weekend was a good one for NZ team in Super Rugby. It kicked off with
the Hurricanes beating the Kings 42-20 - with Beauden Barrett scoring 22 of
those points. Then the Chiefs thrashed the Force 53-10 with Stephen
"Beaver" Donald back in Waikato colours, five years after his last
appearance - kicking the All Blacks to victory in the Rugby World Cup
final. The Highlanders beat the Rebels 27-3, and the Crusaders beat the
Sharks 19-14. In other games NSW beat Queensland 15-13. This weekend the
Highlanders beat the Force 32-20, the Crusaders beat the Lions 43-37, and
the Blues beat the Jaguares 24-16 in a scrappy match. The game of the week
though is between the two current form teams with people wondering if they
are the finals contenders. The Chiefs taking on the Brumbies at home. The
game is on right now and at half time the Chiefs lead 13-20. Go the Chiefs
- but there is still 40 mins to go.
The Rugby Sevens will remain in Wellington at the moment. There had been
talk that Wellington would drop the slowly 'drowning' event but maybe
they'll be able to revive it. Finally for Rugby, England plan to fast track
New Zealand born Ben Te'o from league for their squad for this summer.

In basketball, Tom Abercrombie has indicated he is heading to Europe to
play in Turkey.

The Warriors won their first game of the season, thrashing the Newcastle
Knights 40-18. So it was only three losses for this year, but that was
their first win since July last year.

The Black Sticks beat Canada 5-1 in their second test at the Gallagher
Hockey Centre in Hamilton.

Lydia Ko continues to do well winning the Kia Classic - her 11th LPGA tour
title. Her scoring average is 68.55, ahead of the leader in the PGA, Adam
Scott with 68.75 strokes per round.
*NZ News*
The announcement has been made for the person to replace Sir Jerry
Mateparae as Governer General, and the 'winner' is Dame Patsy Reddy. She
had a distinguished career in law. She was born in Matamata and moved to
Hamilton, going to Hillcrest Normal School (Anna's school).

The Waikato and Waipa rivers have failed a Niwa report, where they got a C+
for water quality.

There is a bit of momentum growing again the dodgy slogans plastered over
"Wicked Camper" vans recently. The government is doing their best to ban
them (or at least fine people) for having them on DOC land, and now
campgrounds around the country are either banning them, or forcing them to
'cover up' the signs. It's a great move against the dodgy Aussie company
who continually ignore any official approaches.

The Huntly bypass (part of the Waikato Expressway) unearthed more than dirt
this week, when they came across a human skull, buried in a kumara pit. The
archaeologists took over the site, while the team switched to winter mode
and started building bridges.

Finally the Myanmar second vice-president used to work in the Otago
freezing works! The community is buzzing that one of their own has gone so
*The Numbers Game*
1: year for Winston Peters to open an office in Dargaville - all the while
complaining about the government as if they had won the byelection
4: people died on the roads over Easter, a worry with the road toll heading
upwards again this year
8.5: years jail for the man who threatened baby formula with 1080 poison
for financial gain
12: th best dentistry course in the world is Otago Uni according to QA
World University Rankings
27: major events to be hosted by Auckland over the next year
50.1: minutes/day of activity for Wellington adults who joined a study and
topped the world in the study of 13 cities
56.6: % support for the existing flag, means the flag referendum is over
and we still have a flag that looks like Australia's at a glance
87: m tunnel boring machine called "Alice" has finished it's work on the
Waterview Connection and is packed up and heading home to Europe
186: people evacuated (mostly tourists from Franz Josef) after some wild
weather 2 weeks ago
200: $/week for every adult proposed by Labour in a crazy scheme the
government claimed would cost more money than comes in from tax
10,000: rabbits killed in the annual Otago rabbit hunt
16,000: kiwi soldiers at Galipoli, more than the previous official number
of 8,500, after an investigation by the Ministry for Culture and Heritage
*Finance NZ Dollar*
GBP 0.4826 (0.0135)
EUR 0.6060 (0.0033)
USD 0.6900 (0.0106)
AUD 0.9001 (0.0076)
*The Weekender NZer of the week*
Marilyn Waring
design of nuclear free
*Joke of the Weekender*
100 ways to phone in a pizza order

46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should
be ashamed.
48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your
best, Gaston!"
50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where
was I? Who are you?"
*Weekender Photos*
Have a look at photos https://picasaweb.google.com/dunwich42

Darren Harrison: darren@harrison.gen.nz
The Weekender: mailed weekly (Sunday nightish)
Website: www.dunwich.co.nz/weekender/
{If these just fill up your junk mail, then send me an email & I'll take
you off the list | The Weekender is not a verified news source, sometimes
it's even just an opinion}